two mums and a boy

Easter Egg Roll

2010-04-08T17:01:00.001-07:00

On Monday, Sarah, Josiah and I headed down to the White House (Yes, the one in Washington DC) and rolled some eggs. We arrived at the line at about 11:30 for an 11:45 entrance. We got searched and metal detected and wanded, which is always a treat but understandable.

After our wait on the outside of the White House gate and the unwanted site of snipers on the roofs of the surrounding buildings we entered the South Lawn to the sound of Yo Gabba Gabba, which Josiah immediately recognized and we all got our "sillies out".

We spied Sponge Bob, Curious George and Charlie Brown with his pal Snoopy. Abby Cadabby was there, along with the Cat in the Hat. We listened to Betty DeGenerous read us a story and color on a banner that will be hung in the National Children's Museum.

Such an awesome day, although we didn't get to see the President, we did blow kisses at the White House with hopes that one would come back (with a little coaxing from Sarah, Josiah reached in the sky and grabbed the kiss).

Blog for equality 2010

2010-03-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

This week has brought thought of what it is we are going to do to celebrate our 15^th year anniversary. It is hard to believe that we have been together for that long. It has been a great 15 years and also I know that my 15 years have been different than a couple that actually was able to marry. There have been no anniversary cards from the family or a special 1^st year anniversary party etc…

We have had the support of our families pretty much from the beginning. There were times at the very beginning that I thought that I may never speak to my mother again, but things came around and I was able to come back to them slowly but surely. Even with this support I always knew that my relationship was not recognized and that it could be very scary if anything ever happened to either of us.

Fast forward 13 years… A child came into our family and all things changed. It wasn’t just about us anymore. We now have this wonderful son that requires every minute of our time, with no complaints. When he came into our lives he was 6 months old. At nine months we found out that his birth father wanted to contest the adoption. We adopted from VA and the laws in the great commonwealth of Virginia are very anti-gay and are very birth family friendly. For almost 2 years we traveled to VA seven times, each time hoping to God that we come home with our son and each time this was true. Even with the best lawyer in the world (which she was) I still had doubts. On September 12, 2009, all of the time limits and procedures had lapsed and we were able to file the papers for adoption in PA.

December 9, 2009 we gathered all of our families and drove to Greensburg and spoke to the Judge and he signed the papers. That little hearing was a piece of cake that was almost a laugh compared to the others that we went through over the past two years. That day was probably the best of the past 15.

With all of the things that are happening in this world I wish our elected leaders would take the time to hear a story like ours and see that we want nothing more than any other family.

Vacation time

2010-01-12T19:39:00.000-08:00

We are actually heading to VA this weekend and not for court. It feels good to have to drive that far for something that we want to do. We have been setting up a meeting with JJ's BM for a few months now and we set a date and you know how time flies when something like this is coming up. I am really looking forward to being able to spend some time with BM and with JJ's brother. I think we all are.

JJ knows where we are going and for what reason. If he actually realizes what it means to have a brother, I am not sure, but I know that this will be an awesome experience for him and us and that we hopefully can take this and run with it.

Staying Home

2009-12-28T12:28:00.001-08:00

I don't get to do it often, but when I get to stay home with my boy it is such a treat. Today I got to stay home with him mostly on our own. There has been no fussing, no fighting, no yelling.

We have had to listen to the singing Santa sing his three songs about 600 times, but that is okay. I have been able to tell him that Santa needs a break and he listens and I can turn it off.

Right now he has his improvised Santa suit on including hat (yellow fireman's hat) and belt (an old black scarf which is tied in the back.

He keeps on telling me, "I am not afraid. I did it!" Meaning he made Santa sing all by himself without running for his life (which is what he did for the first few days that Singing Santa was in the living room.

This time is definitely something I will always remember.

What's Next?

2009-12-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

In the words of my son, "What's next?"

That's a great question!

We have many options. We can stop at one or we can choose to get back on the books and adopt again. Well that choice is a very difficult one to make and one that we still have some time to ponder.

It is important for Josiah to have a sibling, but at what time should we begin this process. We have lots of talking and thinking to do, but I think that we will be making this decision soon.

Well it's done

2009-12-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

At 11:15 on Wednesday morning the Judge gave his order that we are officially the parents of Josiah. It was a very proud moment. I was so excited to hear those words. We got cute pictures with the Judge and Josiah got to play with the gavel.

It's funny because the moment we were done and all the pictures were taken the Social Worker asked us when we wanted to get back into the book. Yikes, we need to recover from this one first.

Big Day

2009-12-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is it! We are finally, finalizing! After 2 long years and 7 or so trips to Virginia, we are now finally saying I do. He will be ours for the keeps.

It is weird to say that it is over. We have been battling for so long I am not sure if we are going to know what its like not to battle.

More tomorrow.

Background Information

2009-11-23T17:01:00.000-08:00

I met my partner Sarah in high school and we have been together ever since. We will be celebrating out 14 year anniversary this year.

In 2006 we decided that we wanted to start a family. I hoped to be a mom by 30 and it almost happened.

We had talked about having a family for a long time but we really started to look in to the process and speak to the doctor about what we needed to do. It was around April or May of 2006 that we did our first insemination. We repeated this process for about 6 months before we decided that it was enough and that we needed to try some other method.

Those six months were the hardest six months that we had to go through. Trying to get pregnant can be very taxing on your psyche. It is an emotional roller coaster and I knew that I didn’t want to go through all of the tests and pills etc…

In December we spoke to the doctor about adoption and she recommended some agencies. We also did some research on the internet and found Adoptions from the Heart. We found that they are local and have an agency in Greensburg. We called and got an appointment to meet the Social Workers and to learn about the different programs that they offer. We went to our first meeting on January 19, 2007. This was for the International program and we sat and heard and thought about it but we decided that it would be too difficult for us as a gay couple to adopt from overseas and the one place that we could do it, Vietnam, is waaaayyy toooo far away (23 hours by plane, which I hate) for us to be by ourselves for 2 weeks while the paperwork goes through. We also wanted a younger baby, new born, and that would be nearly impossible from overseas.

The next week we went back out to Greensburg and heard all we needed to hear about the domestic program. We had some reservations at first about the openness of the adoption but the more we heard and thought about it the more we were like “Sign us up!!!” We hit it off with one of the social workers almost immediately and pretty much paid the opening fees within the next week.

Over the course of the next few months we got all of our paperwork together and got in the “Book”. As of May 1^st we were up for auction. We got a few calls about things that we might be interested in but those fell through.

In September, we finally decided that we needed a break and so we booked a week away of camping and kayaking in Northern Virginia.

We were down there for about 36 hours and were on a river in the Shenandoah when we got the all important your baby is ready for you call. After returning the call and cancelling the rest of our reservation we hurried back to the camp site and packed all of the stuff up. Usually it takes about two hours to get all that stuff together, we packed in about 45 minutes and got back on the road.

The social worker didn’t know much, all she knew was that it was a boy and that he was 6 months old and that the situation for the placement was difficult with the father hurting the mother enough to warrant being arrested for assault.

So after packing up and finally getting on the road around 6:30, we called everyone that we knew and told them everything that we knew. This was Thursday night. We arrived home at about 3 AM, we made a wrong turn and were headed to Baltimore an hour later we realized and turned around. We knew that we had to turn around and head back to the southernmost point in Virginia, so I went to bed and Sarah got everything ready for our trip to Chesapeake.

After I woke up, we went off to the bank and got the money that we needed, stopped over to each of our parents houses to say our goodbyes and get any last minute stuff. Thankfully, Aunt Ruth went to the store for us and got some things that we needed for the trip.

We were off again. From Pittsburgh to Chesapeake is about 8 hours. What an exciting time, full of mystery and fright. We didn’t know what to expect or how our lives where going to change, but we knew that this was it and that we were going to be okay.

We arrived Friday night checked in to the hotel and got ready for the next morning. When we awoke, we were nervous as all can be. We headed over to the Agency to meet the Social Worker and then headed over to the doctor’s office to meet the Birth Mother. She arrived after we did we met in the parking lot. When we finally got settled in the office and were waiting for the appointment, BM said to me, “Would you like to hold your son?” I immediately said yes and as soon as he was in my arms I knew that he was a good fit.

Our meeting with BM started with the Doctors appointment, then off to the office to sign all of the paper work and finally we went off to lunch where we gave her a small gift and told her more about ourselves and she told us more about herself. She was is a bad state that day and was unwilling to get a picture, which was unfortunate, but we completely understood cause of the damage to her face. It was important for us to give her a great impression at first and let her know that we will be good parents. She left us with a kiss and a hug to the baby and a somber walk to the car.

We soon realized that this little guy had a lot of needs. He was a champion puker and would do it at the most in opportune times. We went off to the store as soon as all of our paperwork was done and got a few other things then off to the hotel to get to know our new son. He was so vivacious and loved to move around and jump and laugh. He loved to eat. He still loves to do these things.

We spent the next few days in southern Virginia. We were in contact with the Agency for those next few days. We were told that the social worker went to meet Josiah’s father and that he refused to sign the termination papers. We were also told that this shouldn’t be a problem and we will be okay. On Tuesday we packed up everything and headed north to Winchester, VA to wait out the next couple of days for Virginia to give us the okay to leave the state.

We found a cute little motel in Winchester. The people there were very understanding of our situation and they gave us all that we needed. We got there and had the evening to ourselves. Sarah’s mom and dad joined us down there the next day or so and they didn’t get in until late but stopped into the hotel so that they could see their new grandson. He slept through it, thank goodness!!! The next morning we woke up and immediately took Josiah into the other room and woke up the grandparents. Josiah and Grandfather clicked immediately. They looked at each other and they knew that they would be friends for life.

Over the next couple of days we had many visitors. Ruth and my dad came down to visit. Sarah’s cousins came over from Baltimore to visit. We finally got word that we could come back to Pittsburgh. What a welcome site the house was. I was so glad to be in my own room in my own bed.

Sarah had to go to work on Monday morning. That day started the beginning of the next three months that I had at home with Josiah.

2009-11-22T11:04:00.001-08:00

This is a test

Finally Final

2009-11-18T17:17:00.001-08:00

After two long years of court battles and traveling south, we are finally getting ready to finalize our adoption. December 9th is the day. Can't wait!